Even if you don't mean any harm, saying these five things to someone with ADHD can be hurtful and offensive.

There's an old saying, "It is better to remain silent at the risk of being thought a fool than to talk and remove all doubt of it."

If you ask me, this proverb has some sage advice that more people could stand to follow. Many people think their opinions matter more than facts or other viewpoints.

They also believe they're entitled to share these opinions with you - whether asked for or not – especially if you live with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD).

At best, these opinions are well-intentioned, if misguided. At worst, they're hurtful and uninformed, based on harmful ADHD stereotypes and bias.

If someone enters a conversation with bad intentions, there's not much we can do about it. But what about those who dropped a clunker while meaning well?

For those fine folks, we can let them know. Take a moment to explain calmly why their comment might be dismissive, wrong, or offensive to a person with ADHD.

Some of my loved ones have said incredibly hurtful things over the years about my ADHD. Sometimes, it's done without thinking, but others have said things to hurt on purpose. Being the object of another's dismissal or disdain can be a massive hit to your self-esteem. It feels much worse coming from the ones you love.

If you love someone with ADHD, check out these five things NOT to say to them – even when you mean well.

1. "Don't use your ADHD as an excuse for _______"

Believe it or not, there's a difference between giving an explanation and giving an excuse.

Once, I was in a situation where I arrived late because I had forgotten my wallet. I felt embarrassed. I had to explain that my ADHD played a role in me leaving my wallet behind.

It wasn't an excuse, and I wasn't trying to avoid accountability. I wanted the people waiting for me to understand that my lateness wasn't intentional. It wasn't down to a lack of caring or a disregard for their time.

2. "You don't have ADHD - you're just [insert adjective here]"

People seem to think you can waltz into any doctor's office, tell them you forget stuff and get distracted easily, and BAM! You get an instant ADHD diagnosis. Nothing could be further from the truth.

The ADHD specialist spent a lot of time with me, talking through my symptoms and medical history.

I answered questions about my present life, childhood, life as a student, and the challenges I faced in my current work life. Believe it or not, the evaluation and diagnosis process for adult ADHD isn't easy or instant.

Don't disrespect your loved one or the professionals they see by acting like you know better than they do.

3. "Don't be lazy"

In an era where the word "triggered" may be a bit over (or improperly) used, I'm here to tell you that the word "lazy" is a trigger for me. This is a typical example of ADHD stigma. It supports the false idea that people use or seek an ADHD diagnosis as an excuse not to try. Accusations are also an excellent (-ly terrible) way to stop communication from progressing.

Think about it – the definition of lazy is "not willing to work or use energy." Emphasis on the "not willing." As a child, I found it hard to focus on subjects that didn't automatically grab my interest, even when I tried my best. But my struggles didn't mean I was not willing.

People with ADHD often have to work hard to get into the right mindset for tasks. This shows that they want to do well. But by the time we start what's to be done, we've already used a lot of our available mental energy to find enough focus. We may also feel overwhelmed by the million other "mandatory" tasks still on our lists.

As a result, we face real struggles with reprioritizing, ADHD paralysis, or trying to pour from an empty cup. We're stuck fighting our natural traits to achieve what seems like the bare minimum.

I had a really hard time doing homework and turning it in. My locker was always a disorganized mess. Adults and peers kept telling me I had "the potential" to do well, but I was "choosing not to use it." Everyone thought I was refusing to take responsibility for myself and could do better; no one believed I was trying my best.

People with ADHD aren't being lazy, no matter what it seems to neurotypical folks.

4. "Everyone has trouble paying attention sometimes"

It's true: Everyone does have trouble paying attention sometimes. It's part of the human experience.

But that doesn't negate the profound impact ADHD can have on a person – or that staying focused is the only challenge we face. It oversimplifies the issue. It does nothing to help, so please avoid saying it to someone with ADHD.

Besides trouble focusing, people with ADHD also deal with other executive function issues. These include hurdles in organizing and planning, emotional regulation, sometimes rejection sensitivity, and self-control.

That's a lot more than just having trouble paying attention.

5. "You need to try harder"

Like "lazy," this phrase can seriously bother someone with ADHD. Telling someone with a disorder to "try harder" suggests they aren't already doing their best to manage their symptoms. It also ignores the real challenges they encounter because of their condition.

I do everything I can to stay on top of my ADHD symptoms. Guess what? Sometimes, it's still not enough.

Some things are not within my power to manage. It's hurtful and demoralizing when others believe your struggles are because of a lack of trying.

The takeaway

No one is beyond constructive criticism, including people with ADHD. But when voicing your concerns (or annoyances), accusations of laziness, not caring, or making excuses will not help. Anyone facing a verbal attack will focus on their defense over everything else.

A little sensitivity works wonders when communicating with someone with ADHD. In any context, dismissing their efforts as "not good enough" can cause serious distress and damage. But the harm doesn't have to be permanent.

Empathy and respect can go a long way.

The information presented is solely for educational purposes, not as specific advice for the evaluation, management, or treatment of any condition.

The individual(s) who have written and created the content and whose images appear in this article have been paid by Teva Pharmaceuticals for their contributions. This content represents the opinions of the contributor and does not necessarily reflect those of Teva Pharmaceuticals. Similarly, Teva Pharmaceuticals does not review, control, influence, or endorse any content related to the contributor's websites or social media networks. This content is intended for informational and educational purposes and should not be considered medical advice or recommendations. Consult a qualified medical professional for diagnosis and before beginning or changing any treatment regimen.

NPS-ALL-NP-01508 MARCH 2025