Talking about ADHD with your partner can be tough, but it’s really important for building understanding and support. Nerris Nassiri shares some tips for a productive convo with an SO, including busting myths, finding relatable examples, and putting together an accountability plan for the person with ADHD. Keeping the lines of communication open can help make your relationship even stronger!

Explaining ADHD is always challenging. You never know how someone will respond. You’ll hear an array of reactions: “It doesn’t exist!”, “Really? You don’t seem like you do,” or “OMG, I totally have it too. I’m SO silly!”

Having “the talk” with your significant other (SO) about ADHD can be a strange experience. Your partner likely won’t think that much of it. But it can be a big deal to those of us with ADHD!

I received a late ADHD diagnosis in my early 20s. I was in a serious relationship at the time. I needed to learn how to talk about and explain the condition to my SO beyond, “It looks like I have ADHD.”

Here are a few simple tips from my experiences that may help you talk about and explain ADHD to your partner.

5 ways to explain ADHD to your SO

1. Dispel the myths

I’ve heard and seen a ton of misinformation about ADHD. Perceptions can be pretty skewed. Some people swear vaccines cause ADHD. Others say ADHD isn’t real and is an excuse for laziness. All of this makes the condition sound much worse than it actually is.

I always address ADHD myths as quickly as possible when I open up about the condition.

Sometimes, I simply say, "I have ADHD," and wait for a response. I may follow up with a comical, “Any questions, comments, or concerns may be vocalized now.”

I might even use a quip like:

• Yes, I have actual ADHD. Not just the “Look – a squirrel! Distractable type”
• No, I’m not like “Dug from Up”
• No, I won’t go on a rampage if I’m off my meds

You may need to explain what ADHD is.

ADHD is a common condition that can make you overly active, easily distracted, and more impulsive. The causes are unknown, but it’s likely linked to genetics.

ADHD might lead you to daydream, forget things, fidget, talk too much, or make careless mistakes.

2. Use relatable examples

A little creativity can help other people relate to you on terms they understand.

You might incorporate a metaphor from your partner’s career. If you’re dating a computer programmer, you might try, “It’s like my computer system needs more RAM.”

Or identify a movie character your SO likes who might have ADHD. Some favorites are Luna Lovegood from Harry Potter and Barney from How I Met Your Mother.

I say, “It’s like having 50 tabs open on my browser at the same time.”

3. Be honest about the good and bad

ADHD can make things more interesting, but it can also pose challenges in long-term relationships.

Ignoring these road bumps doesn’t make them go away. You should be honest about how ADHD could impact your relationship, especially if you see a future with this person.

Ask your SO to be patient if you’re prone to forgetfulness. Make sure they know it's not their fault, and you're not trying to be rude if you’re prone to zoning out.

4. Create an accountability plan

Follow up by telling your partner you’ll mitigate these issues as much as possible. ADHD doesn’t have to be a relationship deal-breaker. You can diminish the negatives and enhance the positives with a little bit of work!

Space out when your SO tells stories? Tell them to check in with questions. (“You remember who my cousin John is, right?”) Engaging me when telling a story works wonders to keep me tuned in.

Prone to having random tangential thoughts pop into your head when someone’s talking? Ask your partner to pause so you can note down an idea and come back to it later.

Forgetful? Save important dates like anniversaries and birthdays in your calendar and set multiple reminders. I use Gmail's "schedule send" to get email reminders a few weeks beforehand so that I remember to make reservations or buy gifts.

Often late? Ask your SO for a 30-minute time buffer. (They’ll tell you to arrive at 7:30 p.m. for an 8 p.m. reservation.) That way, you'll actually be on time if you’re up to 30 minutes “late.”

5. Offer explanations, not excuses

You had the conversation with your partner. You talked about the good and the bad. You made an action plan. Great work!

Here’s one last thing to remember: you'll still make mistakes. And that's OK.

ADHD is a lifelong condition. We can do things to keep it at bay. But it still sticks with us.

Don’t blame your ADHD when you falter and make mistakes in your relationship. Own it, apologize, and move on. The right person will be patient and understanding and love you regardless.

The information presented is solely for educational purposes, not as specific advice for the evaluation, management, or treatment of any condition.

The individual(s) who have written and created the content and whose images appear in this article have been paid by Teva Pharmaceuticals for their contributions. This content represents the opinions of the contributor and does not necessarily reflect those of Teva Pharmaceuticals. Similarly, Teva Pharmaceuticals does not review, control, influence, or endorse any content related to the contributor's websites or social media networks. This content is intended for informational and educational purposes and should not be considered medical advice or recommendations. Consult a qualified medical professional for diagnosis and before beginning or changing any treatment regimen. 
NPS-ALL-NP-01434 DECEMBER 2024