For many adults with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), impulsivity isn't a choice - but managing it becomes their responsibility. If stress or pleasure-seeking causes impulse spending, drinking, or gambling, it can harm both the person and others around them. This can create feelings of shame or negative patterns that are hard to shake off. Thankfully, René Brooks shares 6 top tips to help us stop and consider before making any more rash decisions. 

Spontaneity is a part of life. Very few people want their lives to be mundane or boring. Instead, most want variety. In my view, that's all a normal part of the human experience. 

But what does it mean when your impulsivity is not about being spontaneous and fun? What happens when you're so random that it negatively impacts your life? 

For many adults with the condition, ADHD comes with impulsivity that may look fun on the outside. But acting on a whim often affects our lives in ways that are far from amusing. 

Impulsivity isn’t a fun or quirky symptom of ADHD – it can cause real hardships

The first time I recognized my problem with impulsivity was at 21 years old. I had headed out for a weekend with friends. Over a few days, we shopped, ate, and drank to our hearts' content. 

But when I came home, I realized I'd overdrawn my checking account by a huge amount. I only had $50 left until my next paycheck. My impulsive spending wasn't fun anymore. 

Impulsivity leads you to do what you feel in the moment. You might say whatever is on your mind without thinking about the people you may hurt with your words. It means you might change your life instantly based on a spur-of-the-moment impulsive decision. Impulsivity can take the goals and plans you've been working towards for years and wreck them in seconds.

Along with distractibility, impulsivity is one of my least favorite ADHD symptoms. I prefer to be the one in control of my decisions, not ADHD. 

How did I learn to curb my impulsivity? Getting here has been a long journey, but I did it. Barring times of great emotional stress and pressure, I've minimized impulsivity's role in my life. 

You can do this for yourself, too. Impulsivity doesn't have to control your life. Instead, you can control your impulses (which mostly aren't the best options for you) and make the decisions you want to make. 

These vital tips taught me how to control my impulsive behaviors with ADHD. I hope these approaches might be helpful for you, too. 

1. Be aware of your impulsivity triggers 

Some situations and emotions can cause impulsivity to spike. Feeling excited, frustrated, or irritable can make me act in ways I later regret. That's why I wait to make serious decisions until a time when I'm feeling calm.

Stay aware of what can happen when you feel your emotions and frustrations rising. Are you also feeling reckless? To control impulsive behavior, hold off on making dramatic life changes while in a heightened emotional state. 

Give yourself time and space to calm down before you do or say anything you regret.

2. Set boundaries to curb impulse spending or irrational actions

Boundaries are the building blocks of good mental health. Setting good boundaries helps me feel safe and keeps me moving toward my goals. It also helps me rein in my impulsivity.

There are a few different ways to set boundaries for yourself when trying to reduce impulsive behaviors. 

Firstly, recognize that ADHD impulsive behaviors, like impulse spending or shopping, can come in "waves." For many, impulsivity in the need for an instant boost can be triggered by: 

• Payday
• Extended periods of feeling overwhelmed
• Deadlines (missing or meeting them - feeling proud of ourselves can tip into feeling giddy)
• Financial and/or interpersonal issues 

• Where you are in your menstrual cycle. Symptoms of ADHD may increase when nearing a period. Tracking cycles could help you predict when the pull of impulsivity will start again

Second, avoid people, areas, and things that trigger behaviors you want to stop. For example, when you're feeling impulsive, avoid any places where you love to shop, drink alcohol, or gamble. 

Or, if you know an ex is attending an event and may spark an emotional reaction in you, consider not going this time. Asking friends for help can also work, but don't put micro-managing you for the whole event solely on them. See how you feel on the days before and make an informed choice. 

Speaking of friends, this brings me to… 

3. Ask the people who love you for help 

I feel incredibly lucky to have supportive family members and friends who want me to be well. If you do, too, I suggest sitting down and asking them to support you with curbing your impulsivity. Give examples of your triggers and how they can help. 

Do you have a time of day when you feel especially tempted? Does having a large amount of cash in your hand make it difficult to resist spending it? Whatever it is, allow the people you love to help you. 

They can be listening ears or the keepers of your debit or credit card. ADHD in adults can lead to costly mistakes. As children, we didn't make these mistakes because we didn't earn any money! 

If you feel like you messed up, allow your loved ones to comfort you. I believe everything should be OK if we're moving towards healing. 

4. Make one decision at a time 

In my experience, major life changes trigger hyperactive and impulsive behavior, further complicating everything. 

Are you moving to a new house or a new job? Have you ended a relationship? Have your financial circumstances changed? 

Even if the change is positive, this can still be a time of significant stress.

I've found that the best way to cope with huge changes or milestones is to treat it as you would any other time of stress or pressure. Don't make any more major decisions for a moment. 

For example, the end of a long-term relationship may tempt the possibility of having a full "do-over." New place, new job, new relationship, new pets, new friends, new wardrobe, new gym membership... the possibilities are endless. But hang on a second. 

Do you have the time for a cat or dog? If your job makes you miserable (which had its part in the relationship ending), would quitting right now help you feel better next month? Are your friends truly siding with your ex, or are they being supportive without needlessly running down your old partner? 

Hold off on any massive choices until you're feeling steadier. When people with ADHD reach calmer points in life, they usually see things more clearly.

5. Be prepared to apologize if your behavior hurts someone

Sometimes, impulsivity may lead us to do or say things that can hurt the people we love. 

When we speak out of anger or irritation, we might say things we only mean at that specific moment. 99.9% of the time, the same unpleasant thing never even crosses our minds. The emotional hyperactivity of ADHD pushes us to speak too soon without thinking of the consequences. It's too late, though, as the damage is done. 

Saying or doing the wrong thing can be embarrassing and frustrating. It can also cause a mini-identity crisis if you were way out of line. If this happens, owning up to it is important. 

It's not helpful to try to explain away your behavior. Instead, admit your mistakes humbly to the person you've wronged. Don't pressure them into forgiving you. Give them space. 

In time, most likely, the rift will heal. 

6. Forgive yourself when you make mistakes

We all make mistakes, and you will, too. Nobody is perfect. When you do make a mistake, you must forgive yourself. I've learned that beating myself up doesn't benefit my personal growth and recovery. 

Self-forgiveness without ruminating in guilt is its own type of behavior therapy. And you could even try professional counseling if you think it could help.

Instead of punishing yourself further, try to learn from your mistakes. Identify your triggers and move forward, knowing that you can do better. 

The takeaway

Although it took time and effort, I've learned to reduce my impulsivity and take control of my decisions. All of us can achieve this. Don't let impulsivity stand in the way of the goals and plans you have for yourself. 

Take the time to learn what triggers your impulsivity and then guard yourself against those triggers. Reach out to the people who will help protect you and comfort you as you manage your feelings. I'm not saying it's easy, but you can help tame your impulsivity and regain self-control with time. 

The information presented is solely for educational purposes, not as specific advice for the evaluation, management, or treatment of any condition.