Sometimes ADHD can affect our love lives. But remember, everyone faces relationship issues, and nobody is perfect. Getting to a good place takes effort, time, and honest communication. Today, Nerris talks about four ADHD symptoms that may cause problems in relationships, with tips on how he overcomes them.  

Forget what you may have heard — people with ADHD are fun to date. We're spontaneous, open-minded, and, as novelty-seekers, always ready to try new and exciting things.

Dating apps can provide the novelty, the excitement, and the "out-and-about" lifestyle that many people with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) crave.

What the apps can't do, however, is give us something many of us are also searching for: the genuine and loving connection of a long-term relationship.

I've been diagnosed with ADHD for a while, and I've also been in a few LTRs. I've experienced the highs and the lows, as anyone in a long-term relationship will have.

But while some issues are part and parcel of being in a relationship, others dawned on me as being a bit more... well, avoidable. After a closer examination of my past LTRs, some patterns kept reappearing that I couldn't deny. And many of them, I saw, could be connected to some symptoms of ADHD.

So, what is it about some ADHD behaviors that cause our love lives to tank? Or, if not tank, dull an otherwise good relationship's sparkle?

Drawing from my personal experience, here are four ADHD relationship issues that replace chemistry with friction in romance.

And then I'll share my four tried-and-tested ways to fix them!

1: Zoning out mid-convo

Unfortunately, I can be prone to zoning out when having dinner with my girlfriend. While this is sometimes forgivable depending on the circumstances, it doesn't send a great message when we're on a special date night.

It makes me look as if I'm only going through the motions. Or as if my girlfriend's life or perspective doesn't interest me (when that's not true at all). And it makes her feel small and unimportant.

No matter how romantic we may be (or want to be), people with ADHD tend to have trouble focusing for long periods, which can make us seem disinterested in the people we love.

How to fix it: ask questions

Listening (done wrong) can seem like a passive activity. Often, an ADHD brain needs more to "do" than just absorb what someone's telling us.

So, my biggest ADHD hack for staying focused in conversations is to ask questions. I pay much more attention when actively engaging and learning something new. My girlfriend and I work in different fields— I'm in film, she's in medicine — which opens up completely different worlds for each other. If I can't find the novelty in that, it's definitely a "me" rather than an ADHD problem.

Practice active listening to help you pay attention during date-talk. You'll learn much more about your person, their work, and interests. Plus, you'll be much less likely to zone out during those long, wonderful dates because you're putting in the effort to engage.

2. Rushing in (or “love-bombing”)

As someone with ADHD, I love a good adrenaline rush, and there's no rush quite like the start of a new relationship. But, while the newness is exciting, it can lead to impulsive behavior.

Case in point: I once said the "L word" on a second date, and she laughed at me on and off for the next four minutes.

My friends often tell me that I rush into relationships way too quickly. As someone who had a late diagnosis, I always just attributed this to being a romantic and sensitive Latino musician… but it turns out it might just be the ADHD.

When reveling in these powerful emotions, I wasn't considering the other person's reaction to my intensity, nor the long-term. Understandably, love-bombing often gets pinned as a major "red flag" in the dating world. While my perspective says I’m following my feelings, other, more level-headed people may think you're trying to trap them or hide some serious flaws.

And, being honest with yourself, how likely are you to keep up these displays of devotion? While it's easy to say "forever," half an hour can seem like forever to an ADHD brain.

It's never nice to feel like you're the center of someone's world one week, only to be replaced by a video game or a new hobby the next. Your feelings for them may not have changed, but our partners aren't mind-readers. They can only judge by what they see and how we make them feel.

How to fix it: Just... slow it down

Emotional regulation is much easier said than done. When we first become attracted to someone, our brain is flooded with dopamine — something a person with ADHD craves — so the last thing we want to do is slow down.

But be honest with yourself about this new person. Do you really like them? Do you know them enough to honestly like them? Or are you addicted to the rush they're giving your stimulation-craving ADHD?

There's nothing wrong with the answers swaying one way or the other. Just make sure you process and reflect on these feelings before communicating them with your person of interest. This will help you avoid rushing into things and making rash "romantic" decisions too soon or with the wrong person!

3. Forgetting plans and promises

I'll admit it – this is one of my toughest ADHD relationship issues to deal with. I'm very prone to forgetfulness. Distractions can make it hard for things to stick in my working or long-term memory. The distractions don't have to be external - my thoughts can distract me enough.

Trouble with prioritizing can also make it difficult to process important details outside of what’s happening here and now. "Next week" or "next month" may as well be made-up concepts.

So, whether it's birthdays, anniversaries, dinner plans, or forgetting that I was supposed to make a quiche for the family lunch, it seems I'm always forgetting something.

As your life becomes increasingly intertwined with your significant other, you need to keep track of more and more details, and it can be hard to keep up. This can lead to fights, disappointment, and feelings of rejection.

In one LTR, my partner said they felt more of a parent-child dynamic between us than a romantic one. They mentioned that they had to do all the “heavy lifting” when making and carrying out plans, which often left them feeling overwhelmed. I'm not proud of it.

My ADHD is to blame to a certain extent. But while acknowledging that is okay, not taking action ignores all the inconvenience and hurt feelings I've caused others. If my partner genuinely matters to me, which they do, it's time to make changes.

How to fix it: “Hey, Siri?”

Or Alexa or Google. Whichever voice assistant comes with your tech, make friends with them if you have one.

I use Siri to remind me about everything. I have a reminder for two weeks before every important anniversary and birthday. (If you're reading this and thinking, "What a good idea!" do it right now. You'll thank me later).

If you don't have a voice assistant, the calendar on your smartphone can send you notifications via text. In a way, I love having a visual reminder even more than a verbal one.

Which brings me to another really effective technique. When "date night" is coming up, I change the background image on my phone to remind me of my plans. I choose something strange that instantly stands out, like a photo of pasta if we're going for Italian food that night. It's silly, but it works for me.

I also love visual reminders that are directly in the path of my daily routine. For example, if we have plans to go swing dancing, I will hang my suspenders and bow tie on my front door handle the night before. When I'm scrambling the following day because I'm late for work and (probably) forgetting, I can grab those clothes as I exit the building and race toward my car.

4. Cheating

Ugh. This one's my least favorite one to talk about.

First, though, a note: Having ADHD does not automatically mean that a romantic partner has cheated before or will cheat in the future.

One study examined how variations in dopamine receptor genes relate to infidelity and had mixed results. It suggested that genetic differences in the brain's reward pathways may influence why some people engage in risky or uncommitted sexual behavior. However, the researchers also stress that these findings are not definite. More studies are needed to confirm them and explain how they work.

Solid studies focusing on ADHD and infidelity are thin on the ground. Still, a quick Google will bring up thousands of anecdotes about ADHD partners being caught cheating.

ADHD is sometimes wrongly blamed for infidelity by partners without ADHD, or it may be used as an excuse by partners with ADHD. That said, some ADHD symptoms can help explain this connection. Issues with impulse control, a tendency to seek out new experiences, and trouble thinking about long-term consequences can increase the risk of cheating for those of us with this condition.

If relationship problems in the past stemmed from your infidelity, you may have struggles dealing with shame and guilt. However, while you can't change the past or mend all hurt feelings, this doesn't have to define you forever. You can break unhealthy patterns with self-reflection and commitment to personal growth.

How to fix it: Understand yourself. And stop doing it. 

People with ADHD tend to be novelty seekers. If you're feeling like there's a chance you might cheat on your partner, try to look inward to see if there's another void that's not being filled.

Are you searching for a new adrenaline rush? Try hiking, skydiving, yoga, taking a dance class, attending flight school, getting a SCUBA certification, or surfing.

Intensely curious and wanting to learn something new? Enroll in a night class, watch TED Talks, listen to a podcast, or join a social club.

Feeling bored and wanting a change? Go on a trip with your partner, have an experience together, volunteer at a local pet shelter, take dance classes together, go stargazing — anything that involves activities together.

Consider individual and relationship counseling if these things don't work or if it's something else altogether. There's no shame in seeking professional help, and your relationship may become stronger if you can confront what's not working.

The takeaway

These four relationship struggles don’t define everyone with ADHD. Not everyone with ADHD will be a cheater who forgets everything, zones out during conversations, and rushes into every single romantic relationship. And if some of these behaviors do crop up occasionally, they won’t necessarily “wreck our love lives” with renewed effort, good communication, and an ADHD-informed partner (not counting cheating, of course).

The information presented is solely for educational purposes, not as specific advice for the evaluation, management, or treatment of any condition.

The individual(s) who have written and created the content and whose images appear in this article have been paid by Teva Pharmaceuticals for their contributions. This content represents the opinions of the contributor and does not necessarily reflect those of Teva Pharmaceuticals. Similarly, Teva Pharmaceuticals does not review, control, influence, or endorse any content related to the contributor's websites or social media networks. This content is intended for informational and educational purposes and should not be considered medical advice or recommendations. Consult a qualified medical professional for diagnosis and before beginning or changing any treatment regimen.

NPS-ALL-NP-01492 MARCH 2025