Sarah Bailey explores why and how we self-sabotage, examining the psychological resistance that keeps us from achieving our goals.

Do you ever feel like your subconscious is holding you back? Or like you achieve so much more if only your brain would kick into gear?

I know I do.

When my brain feels like it is fighting itself, I call it "brain rebellion." It digs in its "heels" and won't cooperate with what I want or need. Because my brain is like a teenager, determined to rebel against my better judgment every step of the way!

But another, more recognized term for what I'm talking about would be self-sabotage. Self-sabotage can happen for many reasons. Psychological resistance, for example, is often a key factor in our decisions. I'll delve more into that a little later.

My brain can work against me in two ways, often preventing me from achieving my goals. Both are annoying, and both have taken a toll on my life.

I know one thing about brain rebellion or self-sabotage: we can stop them from taking over. It takes effort, but it is possible.

I must be mindful of them, that's all.

Two examples of my self-sabotaging behaviors

1. I slam the gates down on progress

New Year's Day has now long gone. And, for many of you, I bet your healthy New Year's resolutions have petered out too.

That's not surprising. According to Business Insider, 23% of people drop their New Year's goals after only one week. Of the remaining 77%, only 19% keep their healthy new habits long-term (2 years or more).

However, for many of us, the desire to change habits and achieve goals happens more than once a year. Inspiration can strike in April, August, at 3A.M. after a party, or on a dull and dreary Sunday afternoon.

Suddenly, that creative project, online degree, fitness routine, or business venture seems like the key to a new life and a new you. You tell everyone who'll listen about your self-improvement epiphany and resulting grand plans.

But then, you rarely progress beyond the planning phase. No matter how much you want to start, your brain says, "Tomorrow." Meanwhile, your brand-new equipment is gathering dust in the corner.

Oh, and here's the fun thing – when you listen to that whispered "Tomorrow," your horrible, rebellious brain pulls the old bait-and-switch.

"Failure," it says. "I always knew you'd never do it."

2. I let anxiety and intrusive thoughts run the show

I often find myself stuck in a cycle of overthinking, either regretting what I haven't done or agonizing over my past actions.

For instance, if I've lost touch with an old friend, I know sending a quick text is all it takes.

But then the anxiety kicks in. I start to worry: "What if there’s a reason they haven't reached out?" or "What if they don’t respond?" I put my phone away and won't take the first step.

These intrusive thoughts plague me in all areas of my life—friendships, career, hobbies—leaving me exhausted.

This is normal, to an extent. Even confident people experience these doubts; they just manage them better.

Unfortunately, the human brain is wired to remember being let down. However, we'll quickly overlook times where we’ve been successful or received support from others.  

So, does any of this sound familiar? Do you make then decisions designed to protect you from uncertainty and disappointment?

If so, your mind is working against you. You could even be self-sabotaging and not realize it.

What goes on in our brains when we self-sabotage?

Although I said declining motivation, anxiety, and intrusive thoughts are normal, brain rebellion and self-sabotage are still frustrating.

Psychological resistance: what it is and why we do it

Behavioral psychology calls this mental or psychological resistance (which sounds more impressive than brain rebellion and less harsh than self-sabotage!).

Psychological resistance is an unconscious urge to oppose change, even if the change is positive. This resistance causes us to make self-sabotaging decisions, no matter how excited or motivated you feel.

Example: psychological resistance says that taking risks and making changes is irrational and illogical

Although we live in a fast-paced society, we're not wired for change. Even if the pros outweigh the cons when changing a habit, our subconscious will push against it. And it's doing that to protect us.

For example, we learn that logic and reason will always pay off. In reality, that's not always the case. Have you ever worked hard for a promotion only to see it go to someone else? Or started a new form of exercise that, even with proper prep and technique, seriously injures your knee within a few months?

Logically, it doesn't make sense. Hard work should get us where we want to be. Exercise is supposed to help us become fit and strong.

Meanwhile, someone else becomes internet-famous overnight with an impulsive viral video. Or someone puts close to their whole paycheck on a roulette game, then walks out twice as rich as before.

However, our brains are determined that planning and perfectionism = good, and impulsivity and risks = bad. After all, people with strong impulse control often have better relationships. They also tend to have more stable careers and fewer stress-related illnesses.

So, you injured your knee or missed out on that promotion. In that case, that's on you for:

1. Not planning adequately
2. Not being perfect
3. Taking irrational risks and making illogical changes

… or so our brains tell us. And, naturally, we remember these rebukes the next time. If we fail when we work hard and truly try, not starting or not trying won't remind us of our personal shortcomings. Self-sabotage becomes a coping mechanism because avoiding risks is "logical" and protects our ego.

Actually, ALL humans are terrible at rational thinking

Truly! Some schools of thought claim that even the most "sensible" people are terrible at being rational.

Humans pride themselves on their capacity for reason. It's why many psychologists and other scientists distinguish us from other animals. However, emerging attitudes suggest that humans are uniquely irrational.

For example, many of us think we are virtuous, moral beings. However, we also believe that the average person is less ethical than we are. When we hear facts that go against our views, we often see them as attacks on our character. Suddenly, our sense of identity seems undermined.

Studies also show that people tend to be overconfident about how much they know. When we're convinced we're right about something, we stop pursuing materials to further our knowledge.

Many of us feel stuck by doubt and worry when making decisions. We hesitate and deliberate, then continue to doubt ourselves after making our choices. Meanwhile, other animals make instant decisions suited to the type of creatures they are - it's instinct. We never look at a lion and say it was wrong to eat a zebra!

So, whether we're overconfident or doubtful about our choices, one thing remains the same: neither over nor under-confidence promotes change.

Our brains need to learn that risk-taking isn't the enemy

Heads up: taking intelligent risks isn't the same as being impulsive. And as well as being arguably irrational, people are generally terrible at judging how risky something is.

Without risks, we can't develop. Without caving into our occasional impulses, we can't learn. Yes, your plans to do something new may appear highly illogical and/or risky - to other people. But remember, what's "rational" can change from person to person. It's subjective.

6 tips for overcoming a self-sabotage mindset

1. Counter the negative self-narration

Self-sabotage is often related to poor self-esteem and negative self-thought. Fearing failure is usually the culprit: we remember when we worked hard for something, and it didn't pay off. Thoughts like "my best is never good enough" and "nothing good happens for me even if I try" quickly become genuine beliefs.

Remember, any negative thoughts you're having are normal. You're not alone; we have all come across the wall that lives in our heads.

Next, you want to counter the negative with a positive. Try and write down positive things to help you remember them. Keep copies of emails where others praised you and photos of moments you felt accomplished.

You can also think about talking back to negative thoughts. Tell them that it isn't your fault that something has gone wrong. Sometimes, pushing back on those thoughts and saying, "Look, brain, you're wrong, I know you're wrong," can help.

My dad told me to name my negative thoughts – I couldn't think of a name, so he called them "Theodore" on my behalf. So, this way, I'm telling "Theodore" to be quiet and that he isn't right.

2. Try practicing meditation

One way to help people control negative thoughts is through meditation. It can help clear the mind and move on. However, the trick here isn't to ignore negative thoughts but rather to allow them to come and then let them go.

This will allow you to become more mindful.

It's a technique that needs practice and time, and it's something I have yet to master. However, for some, it works well.

3. Talk out your fears

When negative thoughts take over your life, talking to someone can help. You can speak with a loved one or a mental health professional, such as a therapist.

If you find it hard to speak about at first, then writing it down might help. Just let the words flow from your mind onto the paper. You don't need to make it make sense, and you don't have to write it perfectly. You just need to get it out.

Once you write it down, you can discuss your thoughts and feelings. Try to address them in a positive way, either with someone else or by yourself.

4. Distract yourself

Is distracting ourselves from the task a form of self-sabotage?

It depends on why you're doing it. Many of us defer the possibility of a big, long-term reward in favor of a guaranteed but smaller, short-term reward – i.e., instant gratification. That's why we ditch the gym for a TV series binge. Chasing instant gratification is also a form of self-sabotage.

But if you feel burned out or unwell, doing less now can help you achieve more later. Step away from what you are doing and find a distraction. This doesn't mean you're abandoning your goals or choosing laziness. It does, however, mean giving yourself a break.

5. Look for alternatives

Sometimes, looking for alternatives can be useful when I want to do some housework, but my physical health holds me back. My inner voice rebuked me when I faced these difficulties: "You used to be fine doing this, so why are you useless now?"

This usually was enough for me to enter a full-on shame spiral. Nowadays, however, I might focus on other productive work I can manage, like writing my blog. I'll go back to the housework later and won't punish myself for delaying it.

6. Find your triggers

It is important to find ways to cope with negative thoughts. It is also helpful to understand what causes our self-sabotage. I don't mean finding the exact cause - just identifying what makes your negative mind shout louder.

For example, not getting enough sleep can make it easier for your mind to wander and allow those thoughts to settle in. Drinking alcohol can also cause us to self-sabotage, even if we aim to relax. After all, alcohol is a depressant; it can influence your thoughts, feelings, and actions.

Being ill, suffering from allergies, and fluctuating hormones can also cause your mind to crash.

The takeaway

We all struggle with our brains rebelling and self-sabotage in some form, so don't feel alone. However, there are ways to help bring our minds back to the present and face those thoughts head-on. Don't be afraid to counter those negative voices. Give them some home truths and remind them you're in charge.

You're NOT being impulsive or illogical. You're moving towards taking intelligent risks. But only you can make the changes you want to see.

The information presented is solely for educational purposes, not as specific advice for the evaluation, management, or treatment of any condition.

The individual(s) who have written and created the content and whose images appear in this article have been paid by Teva Pharmaceuticals for their contributions. This content represents the opinions of the contributor and does not necessarily reflect those of Teva Pharmaceuticals. Similarly, Teva Pharmaceuticals does not review, control, influence, or endorse any content related to the contributor's websites or social media networks. This content is intended for informational and educational purposes and should not be considered medical advice or recommendations. Consult a qualified medical professional for diagnosis and before beginning or changing any treatment regimen.

NPS-ALL-NP-01495 FEBRUARY 2025