Dating can be daunting, especially when managing chronic migraine. And while red flags often signal unhealthy or incompatible behavior, it’s all too easy to ignore them, and to put our own needs aside in the name of love. But here's the truth: when dating with chronic migraine, your physical and mental health must take center stage.

In this article, Daisy Macdermott shares six migraine-specific red flags she watched out for as she navigated the dating scene. She also shares some important green flags that show empathy and care as opposed to toxic behavior. Today, she happily reports that she has found a very supportive and understanding partner!

I was 42 when my ex-husband and I decided to call it quits. After a while, I faced the challenge of dating again, but this time with chronic migraine. Dating is a minefield as it is, but adding a chronic health condition to the mix made it a much scarier prospect. Happily, I met someone great, and we're married now.

Still, finding the right person takes time, and it's essential to recognize potential warning signs early on. Here's my list of red and green flags to consider when dating with chronic migraine, grouped into three "danger zones":

• When you tell a date about your history of migraine
• When migraine forces you to cancel at the last minute
• When you have a migraine attack in their presence

When telling a potential partner about chronic migraine

Bringing up that you live with chronic illness can be so difficult, especially when you don’t know how your date will react. So, when you do, it's even more important to look out for the red (and green!) flags.

Red flag 1: Not caring

You build up the courage to tell them about your debilitating condition and what a big effect it has on your life, and... your potential partner doesn't seem interested.

They don't ask any questions or show any concern. In fact, they respond the same way as if you’d said, "I don't like anchovies on pizza."

Red flag 2: Dismissing your illness 

We've all heard it, but you really don't want to hear this nugget of migraine stigma from a potential partner... "Migraine? That's just a headache, isn't it?"

Or the much more dreaded, "People saying they get migraines are just being lazy."

This can be an opportunity for education - to correct any misunderstandings about migraine. Sadly, however, some preconceptions are hard to combat if someone isn't willing to listen.

Some people think they understand what chronic migraine feels like just because someone they know has migraines. This is also red flag territory.

It usually transpires that their "source" gets one migraine attack every year or two, and it's gone in a few hours. While still unpleasant to experience, episodic migraine isn’t the same as chronic migraine.

Your date, though? They dismiss the difference and your experience over their second-hand “knowledge.” They think they know better.

They’ve warned you – this person won’t show up and look after you when you need it most.

Green flag: Asking questions

They may not know much about migraine, especially chronic migraine. But if they start asking questions about it, they're interested in what you experience and how it affects you.

This is a good sign that your date wants to understand and empathize with you.

Green flag: Listening

If your date doesn't ask many questions, it's not necessarily an immediate red flag. They might not know what questions to ask or feel too cautious about asking them.

But when you're talking about your experience of chronic migraine and the effect it has on your life, take note of how they listen. If they listen to you carefully and absorb what you say without judging, it shows they can be a good partner.

When having to cancel a date because of a migraine

Migraine attacks don't wait until you've shared your medical history with your date.

But now it's almost time to start getting ready, and the symptoms aren't showing any signs of disappearing.

Whether you have or haven't shared your migraine history with your partner, canceling a date at the last minute is a necessary (if not ideal) time. 

How they react to this can be very telling.

Red flag 3: Anger or disbelief

Canceling plans at the last minute can make some people angry, especially if they've spent money that can't be recouped (tickets, deposits, bookings, etc.). They can't see why you don't just put on a brave face or let the excitement of their company somehow overshadow your pain.

Or, if you haven't yet had the chance to explain your migraine history, you may find that your date doesn't believe you, choosing to think that you're making an excuse.

Unfortunately, migraine leads to lots of canceled plans at short notice. It’s a fact of life. So, if your date responds negatively to canceled plans, rather than with concern, that’s a big red flag for a relationship.

Some preconceptions are hard to combat if someone isn’t willing to listen

Red flag 4: Ignoring you

This is a major red flag in any instance, of course. 

If your date's reaction to a canceled plan is to ignore you, then they won't be able to handle a partner with chronic migraine.

You shouldn't waste any more of your time with them.

Green flag: Helping out

If they ask if they can do anything for you - like ordering food when a migraine means cooking is off the table - that's helpful.

 If you can watch a screen and need a distraction from the pain, you could both play the same movie at your respective homes and text chat about it. They might ask if you need anything brought over or if you want company.

These responses show that they understand and want to help you instead of making it all about them feeling snubbed.

Green flag: Asking about next time

If your date responds to a canceled plan with, "When can we reschedule?" (after asking how you are, of course), that's a great big green flag.

1. They understand that short notice cancelations come with the territory of chronic migraine. Or they seem to, at least.
2. They know you're worth pursuing and won't let a migraine or canceled date put them off.

When having a migraine in their presence

You try to avoid this happening, you really do - especially on a date or with a new partner. But when you’re dating with chronic migraine, it is bound to happen eventually. It's just bad luck if it happens early on.

If you have an attack in the middle of a date, take note of your potential partner’s reaction. How they respond will tell you a lot about what a committed relationship will look like between you, them, and chronic migraine.

Red flag 5: Running away

While some people may not want a date hanging around while having an attack, many others would appreciate some help. Or at least some concern.

If your date's first instinct is to pack up and leave in a hurry, it shows a lack of empathy. This says a lot about who they are.

If they do drop or help you home, of course that's better. But once you reach your door, check whether they switch to "no longer my problem" mode.

If your date leaves you on the porch without asking if that is what you want or need, treat it as a dating red flag. They’ve warned you – this person won’t show up and look after you when you need it most.

Red flag 6: Ignoring your needs

In my view, potential partners start as they mean to go on.

So, a migraine has hit, and you can do nothing to stop it. Instead, you communicate your needs to your date, saying, "I need to lie down, darkness, and quiet, plus access to a toilet and water," etc.

Your date should try to help you access these things as quickly as possible. Don't justify "Just two more minutes," (which nearly always isn’t) or "I'll leave you to it" responses from them.

If they're not willing to prioritize and help you at the start, they won't show up for you down the road, either.

How they react [to cancelled plans] can be very telling

Green flag: Taking care of you

If your date's first instinct is to take care of you when a migraine hits, this is a great sign.

They may not know precisely what you need just yet. However, just showing they care and wrapping you in a hug can make you feel less alone during an attack.

Green flag: Anticipating your needs

It can be tough to communicate when a migraine hits. Your brain isn’t functioning like it usually does. Pain, aphasia (difficulty speaking and understanding written or verbal words), sickness, sluggish thinking, etc. can make it hard to get across what you need.

However, if your date is caring and proactive, they will instinctively offer the basics (water, hugs, cold flannel, food). Of course, this is a green flag.

You may have already talked about your migraines before the first one hits and explained what you'll need in that scenario.

If your date 1) remembers what you said and 2) does what you said you needed, you’re potentially on to a winner!

The takeaway

Nothing is set in stone, and people can change. That said, dating someone who shows more green flags from the outset is much preferable to waiting for red flags to turn green (or, more likely, yellow at most).

So, pay attention to the red and green flags mentioned above. They can help you understand if the person you’re dating will be a good partner for someone with chronic migraine.

The information presented is solely for educational purposes, not as specific advice for the evaluation, management, or treatment of any condition.

The individual(s) who have written and created the content and whose images appear in this article have been paid by Teva Pharmaceuticals for their contributions. This content represents the opinions of the contributor and does not necessarily reflect those of Teva Pharmaceuticals. Similarly, Teva Pharmaceuticals does not review, control, influence, or endorse any content related to the contributor's websites or social media networks. This content is intended for informational and educational purposes and should not be considered medical advice or recommendations. Consult a qualified medical professional for diagnosis and before beginning or changing any treatment regimen.

NPS-ALL-NP-01563 JUNE 2025